Why You Struggle to Ask for What You Need
Dylan Moore, Founder Balanced Analysis LLC and Breaking Barriers University
Ever caught yourself saying, “I don’t want to be a burden” or “It’s fine, I’ll just handle it”—even when you desperately needed support?
You’re not alone. Many of us were taught—explicitly or indirectly—that our needs were too much. That asking for help was selfish or inconvenient. That expressing what we need might lead to rejection, disappointment, or even conflict.
But here’s the truth: Your needs are valid. Your voice deserves to be heard. And learning to ask for what you need isn’t selfish—it’s essential.
If you struggle to express your needs, let’s talk about why—and more importantly, how to start shifting this pattern so you can step into the life (and relationships) you actually deserve.
The Moment I Realized I Never Asked for Help
For the longest time, I thought independence was my greatest strength. I prided myself on handling everything alone, never needing anything from anyone. But the truth? I was just terrified to ask.
Somewhere along the way, I had learned that needing help meant being weak, that asking for something meant risking rejection, that speaking up meant being difficult.
So, I made myself small. I convinced myself I was “fine.” But deep down, I wasn’t. I was exhausted. Resentful. And worst of all, completely disconnected from the people who wanted to support me—because I never let them in.
The day I finally asked for help, I felt like I was breaking a rule I didn’t even know I had been following my whole life. But the more I practiced, the more I realized: The right people won’t make you feel bad for having needs. And you don’t have to carry everything alone.
If this resonates with you, I want you to know: You are not too much. You are not a burden. And you deserve to be heard.
The Cost of Staying Silent
When you don’t ask for what you need, it doesn’t just go away—it festers. And over time, it can affect every part of your life.
1. It Leads to Resentment
When you constantly suppress your needs, you might start feeling frustrated that no one seems to notice. But the truth is, people can’t meet needs they don’t know exist. And unspoken expectations are a recipe for resentment.
2. It Keeps You Stuck in the “I’ll Just Handle It” Cycle
Many people who struggle to ask for help fall into over-functioning mode—taking on way too much while pretending it’s fine. But over time, this leads to burnout, exhaustion, and feeling completely unseen.
3. It Creates One-Sided Relationships
If you’re always the giver but never let yourself receive, your relationships can start to feel unbalanced. You might even attract people who take more than they give, reinforcing the belief that your needs don’t matter.
4. It Disconnects You From Your Own Worth
When you silence your needs, you reinforce the idea that they aren’t important. But the more you deny yourself, the harder it becomes to trust that you deserve to be supported, loved, and cared for—just as much as anyone else.
Click Here to Start Your Empowerment Journey
Learning to Ask for What You Need
1. Acknowledge That Your Needs Are Valid
First things first: Your needs are not extra. They are not too much. They are not selfish.
Try saying this out loud:
- I am allowed to ask for support.
- My needs matter just as much as anyone else’s.
- I deserve to be heard and cared for.
You don’t have to earn the right to have needs. You already have it.
2. Identify the Fear Holding You Back
If asking for what you need feels impossible, ask yourself:
- What am I afraid will happen if I ask for help?
- Where did I learn that my needs weren’t okay?
- Do I assume people will say no before I even ask?
Sometimes, just naming the fear makes it lose its power.
3. Start Small—Practice With Low-Stakes Requests
If speaking up feels overwhelming, don’t start with life-changing conversations. Instead, build confidence with small, everyday asks:
- At work: “I’d love extra time to finish this project—can we extend the deadline?”
- With friends: “Hey, can we talk? I could really use some support right now.”
- At home: “Can you take care of dinner tonight? I’m feeling exhausted.”
The more you practice, the easier it gets.
4. Use Clear, Direct Language
If you’ve spent years minimizing your needs, you might have a habit of asking in roundabout ways—saying things like:
❌ “I mean, I guess it would be nice if you could help, but only if you want to…”
❌ “I don’t want to be a bother, but…”
Try this instead:
✅ “I need help with this—can you support me?”
✅ “I’m feeling overwhelmed, and I need a break.”
✅ “I’d really appreciate if you could do this for me.”
Asking directly doesn’t make you demanding. It makes you clear.
5. Remember: The Right People Won’t Punish You for Having Needs
If asking for support feels scary, remind yourself:
- Healthy relationships can handle honesty.
- The right people want to support you.
- You are not responsible for managing other people’s discomfort.
Not everyone will respond perfectly. But the people who deserve a place in your life won’t make you feel guilty for speaking up.
Rise Fierce and Free
If you’ve spent your life afraid to ask for what you need, I want you to hear this loud and clear: You are not a burden. You are not asking for too much. And you deserve to have your needs met.
So here’s my challenge for you: This week, ask for something you need—without apologizing, justifying, or downplaying it.
Because you, my friend, are rising. You are healing. And you are worthy of being seen, heard, and supported.
Click Here to Start Your Empowerment Journey
Hi, I’m Dylan Moore — and I’m here to help you move past the pain and the trauma that have stood in the way of your healing.
For over 30 years, I’ve guided women through emotional recovery and personal transformation. As an Author and Cognitive Behavioral Specialist, my mission is to empower you with the tools and support you need to break free from the past.
I founded Balanced Analysis LLC and Breaking Barriers University to make healing practical, approachable, and real. I take complex psychological concepts and turn them into clear, actionable steps—always with compassion and care.
Now, it’s your turn to release the hurt and step into the greatest version of who you were always meant to be. And I’ll be right here to walk that path with you.
