Breaking Cycles Means Disappointing People
Dylan Moore, Founder Balanced Analysis LLC and Breaking Barriers University
There’s a hard truth about healing and growth that no one prepares you for: breaking cycles means disappointing people. When you decide to unlearn old patterns, set boundaries, or walk away from toxic dynamics, not everyone will applaud you. In fact, some will resist, criticize, or even guilt you into staying the same.
But here’s the thing—growth and approval rarely go hand in hand. If you’re committed to healing, there will come a moment when you have to choose: their comfort or your freedom.
If you’ve ever felt the tension between doing what’s right for you and keeping others happy, you’re not alone. Let’s talk about what it really means to break cycles, why it’s so hard, and how to stand firm in your truth—even when it disappoints the people around you.
When I Realized Disappointing People Was Inevitable
I used to think that if I just explained myself well enough, if I was patient and kind, I could change without losing people. That if I did the work quietly, no one would feel threatened or upset. But that’s not how it works.
The first time I set a hard boundary with someone who had always expected me to be available, the reaction wasn’t understanding—it was anger. They felt betrayed. And for a while, I felt guilty, like I had done something wrong. But over time, I realized something important: their disappointment wasn’t proof that I was wrong. It was proof that they had benefited from my silence, my overgiving, my inability to say no.
Breaking cycles isn’t just about healing yourself—it’s about disrupting a system that others have come to rely on. And that’s why it’s so uncomfortable. But if we don’t do it, we stay stuck in the same patterns, carrying the same burdens, and living lives that don’t belong to us.
If you’re in that space right now, I see you. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it. Let’s talk about why this happens and what you can do about it.
Why Breaking Cycles Feels So Hard
For many of us, the patterns we’re breaking didn’t start with us. They were handed down—through family, culture, relationships. We were raised to believe that certain behaviors were normal, even if they hurt us. People-pleasing. Silence. Accepting less than we deserve. Ignoring our own needs for the sake of others.
When you start to step out of these patterns, it creates friction. Not because you’re doing something wrong, but because you’re disrupting an old way of functioning. And when people are used to you fulfilling a role—whether that’s the peacekeeper, the caregiver, the fixer—they don’t always react well when you stop playing it.
Here’s what makes it especially hard:
- Guilt and Doubt: You might wonder if you’re being selfish or dramatic. (You’re not.)
- Pushback from Others: Some people will resist, question, or try to pull you back into old dynamics.
- Fear of Losing Relationships: It’s painful to realize that some connections were based on your compliance, not mutual respect.
- The Unknown: When you stop playing a role you’ve always played, it can feel unsettling—who are you without it?
But here’s the truth: just because someone is disappointed doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. Their feelings are theirs to process. Your healing is not up for debate.
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How to Stand Firm in Your Growth
So how do you move forward when breaking cycles means disappointing people? Here are a few ways to navigate it with strength and self-compassion:
1. Get Clear on Your Why
When doubt creeps in, remind yourself why you started this journey. What patterns are you breaking? What kind of life are you building? Write it down. Hold onto it. Let it anchor you when the pushback comes.
2. Expect Resistance—But Don’t Internalize It
Discomfort is part of the process. Some people will react with confusion, anger, or guilt-tripping. That’s about them, not you. Let them have their feelings without making it your job to fix them.
3. Practice Boundaries Without Over-Explaining
You don’t owe anyone an essay on why you’re making a change. “I can’t do that anymore” or “That doesn’t work for me” is enough. People who respect you won’t need a long justification.
4. Find Your Support System
Not everyone will understand your growth, but someone will. Surround yourself with people who support your healing, whether that’s friends, a therapist, or an online community. You don’t have to do this alone.
5. Let Go of Who You Used to Be
Growth means outgrowing. And sometimes, that includes outgrowing relationships, roles, and identities that no longer fit. It’s okay to grieve that. But don’t shrink yourself to stay in a space that no longer serves you.
Rising Fierce and Free
At the end of the day, breaking cycles isn’t just about you—it’s about changing the narrative for the generations that come after you. It’s about showing that healing is possible, that boundaries are healthy, that love doesn’t have to come at the cost of self-sacrifice.
Will some people be disappointed? Yes. But you are not here to live for their approval. You are here to be free.
So if you’re in the thick of it right now, if you’re feeling the weight of someone else’s expectations, I want you to take a deep breath and remind yourself: You are allowed to change. You are allowed to choose yourself. You are allowed to disappoint people in the process of becoming who you were meant to be.
And you don’t have to do it alone. Let’s talk—what cycles are you breaking? Drop a comment, share your story, and know that in this space, you are seen, you are supported, and you are rising fierce and free.
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Hi, I’m Dylan Moore — and I’m here to help you move past the pain and the trauma that have stood in the way of your healing.
For over 30 years, I’ve guided women through emotional recovery and personal transformation. As an Author and Cognitive Behavioral Specialist, my mission is to empower you with the tools and support you need to break free from the past.
I founded Balanced Analysis LLC and Breaking Barriers University to make healing practical, approachable, and real. I take complex psychological concepts and turn them into clear, actionable steps—always with compassion and care.
Now, it’s your turn to release the hurt and step into the greatest version of who you were always meant to be. And I’ll be right here to walk that path with you.
