Perfectionism is Just People-Pleasing in Fancy Clothes

Dylan Moore, Founder Balanced Analysis LLC and Breaking Barriers University

We like to dress perfectionism up as something noble. We call it “having high standards,” “being detail-oriented,” or “just wanting to do our best.” But if we strip it down to its core, perfectionism is really just people-pleasing in a fancier outfit.

Because at the heart of perfectionism isn’t excellence—it’s fear. Fear of disappointing people. Fear of being judged. Fear of not being enough. And so, we hustle for our worth, believing that if we can just get everything right, we’ll finally feel safe, loved, or worthy.

But perfection is an impossible finish line. The rules keep shifting, the standards get higher, and no matter how much you prove yourself, the fear never really goes away.

If you’ve been caught in this cycle, trying to earn love or validation through flawlessness, let’s talk. Because you don’t need to be perfect to be worthy—you just need to be you.

The Moment I Saw It in Myself

For most of my life, I wore my perfectionism like a badge of honor. I convinced myself that if I could just do things perfectly, no one would have a reason to criticize me, leave me, or think I wasn’t good enough. It wasn’t about excellence—it was about survival.

I saw it most clearly the first time I hesitated to share something I was proud of because it “wasn’t quite there yet.” I had spent weeks working on it, refining every detail, but still, I hesitated. Why? Because I was terrified someone would find a flaw.

That moment hit me hard—because it made me realize I wasn’t striving for quality, I was striving for approval. And worse, I had tied my sense of worth to whether or not I could avoid criticism.

That realization changed everything. If this sounds familiar, know this: you don’t have to earn your worth. You were already enough before you ever started proving yourself.

The Hidden Cost of Perfectionism

Perfectionism doesn’t just exhaust you—it shrinks you. It keeps you from taking up space, from showing up fully, from trying new things because you’re afraid of failing. It makes you second-guess yourself, over-edit your own words, and hesitate before sharing your voice. And the worst part? It never actually delivers the sense of security it promises.

Because perfectionism isn’t about high standards—it’s about control. We convince ourselves that if we get everything right, we can avoid pain. That if we anticipate every possible mistake, we won’t feel rejected or inadequate. But no matter how much you chase perfection, it never actually makes you feel safe.

And if we’re not careful, perfectionism becomes the reason we don’t start, don’t try, don’t take risks. It robs us of joy, spontaneity, and the ability to be human.

But here’s the truth: people don’t connect with perfect. They connect with real. And every time you trade authenticity for flawlessness, you lose a little piece of yourself.

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Breaking Free from Perfectionism

So how do you start untangling yourself from the grip of perfectionism? Here are a few steps to help you move forward:

1. Recognize the Fear Beneath It

Perfectionism isn’t about standards—it’s about fear. Ask yourself: What am I really afraid will happen if I’m not perfect? Are you afraid of judgment? Rejection? Failing? Understanding what’s driving your perfectionism is the first step to releasing it.

2. Challenge the “All or Nothing” Thinking

Perfectionism thrives on extremes. It tells you that if something isn’t perfect, it’s worthless. But the truth is, progress is messy. Growth is imperfect. And done is always better than perfect. Start embracing the good enough moments—because they’re often more than enough.

3. Practice Imperfection on Purpose

This might sound terrifying, but one of the best ways to break free is to start letting yourself be imperfect. Post the unpolished photo. Share your thoughts before they’re fully refined. Let yourself be seen before you feel completely ready. The more you do it, the less power perfectionism will have over you.

4. Redefine Success

Instead of measuring success by how “flawless” something is, try a new metric: Did I show up? Did I grow? Did I honor myself in the process? When you shift the focus from perfection to authenticity, everything changes.

5. Give Yourself the Grace You Give Others

You wouldn’t demand perfection from the people you love, so why hold yourself to an impossible standard? Talk to yourself the way you would encourage a friend. Remind yourself that you are allowed to be human, to make mistakes, and to still be worthy of love and respect.

Rising Fierce and Free

At the end of the day, perfectionism isn’t the path to worthiness. You don’t have to prove yourself to be valuable. You don’t have to earn love by being flawless.

So if you’ve been waiting until you’re “perfect” to start, to speak up, to take up space—I hope you give yourself permission to begin now. Messy, real, and beautifully imperfect.

You don’t need to be perfect to be worthy. You just need to be you.

Let’s talk about it—where has perfectionism been holding you back? Drop a comment, share your story, and know that in this space, you are seen, supported, and rising fierce and free.

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Hi, I’m Dylan Moore — and I’m here to help you move past the pain and the trauma that have stood in the way of your healing.

For over 30 years, I’ve guided women through emotional recovery and personal transformation. As an Author and Cognitive Behavioral Specialist, my mission is to empower you with the tools and support you need to break free from the past.

I founded Balanced Analysis LLC and Breaking Barriers University to make healing practical, approachable, and real. I take complex psychological concepts and turn them into clear, actionable steps—always with compassion and care.

Now, it’s your turn to release the hurt and step into the greatest version of who you were always meant to be. And I’ll be right here to walk that path with you.